Holiday Humor!

Know what this is?
Frosty the Snowman's baby pictures!

In this life..

I'm a woman. In my next life I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but
sleep for six months, conserving your energy.

I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself into a stupor.

I could deal with that too!

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs.

I could deal with that.

If you're mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.

I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup, gonna be a bear!

What's wrong with this picture?

...everything!

I just opened the mail from the "Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services.

"This is a summary of claims processed from 8-28-09 through 11-06-09.

Radiology .etc referred by Dr. ----

Amount Charged $66

Medicare Approved $11.05

Medicare Paid Provider $8.84

You may be billed $2.21????

Dr So and So, Referred by Dr. --

Amount Charged $256.00

Medicare Approved $42.13

Medicare Paid Provider $34.50

You May be billed $8.63

It's just wrong, that's all, it's just wrong!

Who does the math for these things?

The old mouse and the cheese routine!

Well, colder weather is here and the little baby field mice have found
their way into the house. How do I know? Because I left the butter uncovered on the counter and there were teeny, tiny toothprints in the butter.

That's it! Scrubbed everything down with Chlorox straight out of the
jug and I was really annoyed.

Tim set three traps, and the next day, no bait and no mice in the traps.

Let's try it again. Mice 3 Tim 0. So, I bought new mouse traps.
This morning, one down, two to go. Mice 2 Tim 1
I just now opened a cupboard door and something
moved. Just a little, not worth jumping back for. I peeked in under the cupboard and lo and hehold a little mouse was caught. Not the conventional way, but he was caught with just enough of his belly to not allow him to get away. Hmmmm, what to do. I looked that little critter right in the eye and said "I know it's cold, and I know it's the Holidays, but brother, you best skeedaddle out of here when I let you loose! There's plenty of food for you in the barn. The horses drop all kinds of grain and the grain cans always have some spillage around them, so let's understand one another okay? You stay out, and I'll make sure there's enough dropped grain this winter to keep you comfy. Okay?????"

Now, how to get the little bugger out of the cupboard and outside without one of us losing our cool. Ah Ha! The kitchen tongs! One pair of heavy winter gloves, one pair of tongs and we are in business. I reached under the cupboard, secured the trap with the tongs and brought the little rascal out from under the sink. Our eyes met. Ahhh, look how little and cute he is. Despereaux?

Damn it, now you've gone and done it. Okay, I slide the patio door open and set the trap down and that darn mouse took off like a shot, dragging the trap behind him. Oh shoot, back into the house to get another pair of tongs (one to hold the trap, and one to release the "clapper" and free the mouse. I couldn't leave him outside dragging a trap all over the yard, and becoming fair game for another varmint!

Well, as luck would have it, I found him under the sage bush in my herb garden. I skillfully picked up the trap with the "long" tongs and then after two tries, successfully pried the "clapper" open and let him "off the hook".

Well, what did you expect me to do?

I'm having one of those days!

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades... Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.

Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'

THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

We celebrated being "thankful"

The day went off without a hitch. Well almost. After everyone was thinking about heading to their homes, Sarah came in from the garage fridge and proclaimed "we forgot the Waldorf Salad"! So, everyone got their take home containers out again and shoveled a little Waldorf Salad in.

Looking at the debris left after the guests (who had offered to help clean up) is a little like post partem depression. We gave birth to this wonderful gathering and feast, we had "labored" for two days, and poof....the deal is done and you sit there looking at the remains of the day. No pun intended.

I had lots of voices offering to help clean up the final phase, dessert plates, silver, wine glasses, more coffee cups and mugs, all the serving plates and bowls, but I said. "No thanks". "If you help me clean up, that will mean I physically have to start cleaning up myself, and I am not ready nor do I have the energy".

Just go and Peace be with you!

Besides, I have to think about making dinner with leftovers tonight.

We did it!

Well, mostly Traci did it!

Yesterday I put pie crust into pans, Traci made the fillings and filled the pie shells, we baked them and voila..10 pies for Thanksgiving dinner!

I could not do Thanksgiving for 18 people without her help.

Thank you Traci, I love you!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!