Out of my mind...back in five minutes!

· I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

· Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

· I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

· Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

· You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

· Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

· Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

· I’m not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

· Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

· NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

· God must love stupid people; He made so many.

· The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

· Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

· Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

· Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!

· Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

· Procrastinate Now!

· I have a degree in Liberal Arts; Do you want fries with that?

· A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

· A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

· Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

· They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

· He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

· A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

· Ham and eggs....A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

· The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

· The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

· I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have. Life is too short and friends are too few!