Fear manifests itself in many phases of my life.
It comes in small packages as a rule, but this package is one that I am hesitant to open. I have trouble seeing. Not everything is a blur, just the things that I need to see clearly, like the road at night, the road when the sun is shining brightly, the road covered in snow, the TV menu, road signs, the white line, the mailboxes on posts in the country that look like people walking along the road, and people walking along the road that look like mailboxes on posts.
"Cataract" is a word we all hear but pay noattention too, for the most part. Except, in my case, the culprit is on the back of the eye, not the front.
Finally, I made the ultimate decision, after much struggling with the fear of going blind, and the fear of the unknown, and the fear of picking up the phone and calling the Doctor, "hey, I am having a problem, I need to come into your office". January 23rd at 2:30 is "I" day. My Doctor said: "If you want me to schedule you you for the Cleveland Clinic, then I will, but I will tell you this: your surgery will be performed by a Resident!" What???? But.......not at the Clinic?! She told me that one of the most competent surgeions is located right here in Medina. Who knew? Yes, I am going to see the famous Dr. Chi! He will do the surgery at the hospital and I am to believe that he is right up there with the almighty!
I have pictured myself with a seeing eye dog, (not my Toby), and a white cane, and having to depend on someone to drive me around, and have my hair done by someone who will make it look like a football helmet, and choosing the wrong color lipstick and all sorts of other things. Let alone not being able to take care of my horses, see my precious Daniel......no logic to my fears!
Well one thing is certain in this whole thing.......getting old is not for sissies!
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3 comments:
Dr. Chi has a wonderful reputation, Judy -- I live in a neighborhood of old fossils and they all adore Dr. Chi. If he can keep them wandering around without bumping into things, imagine what he can do for a young chick like you.
xo
i can only imagine what the fear is like. i can't tell you not to be afraid. but i am so proud that you are going to do what has to be done. i am here for you, i can come make dinners or feed you. just let me know what you need. just to talk, just to share coffee while you lay in bed. let me know what you need, and i am right there beside you, my friend.
namaste.
One thing I know about fear is if you give it space it will consume you. I remember when faced with a similar decision how I decided to get through it. You must trust your decision, trust your doctor and BELIEVE that when it is over you will be better. Focus on life after, when you CAN see normally. There is no room in your mind for anything else to happen! My thoughts and prayers follow you.
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